by caccy46

She said she wanted to come home this weekend, thinking maybe it could get her back on track. I knew she thought it might help, but I knew her unexplored reasons as well - an escape from the social scene, her need for comfort in the arms of Mom and Dad, a few days of not facing or dealing with her pain. It took all my strength to say "no" - to fight my natural instinct to embrace her and try to make it all better. "No" also said: you can do this on your own. We have faith in your strength; you have to do this yourself for it to be real and lasting and your victory. "No" is something we've never said enough to her, never realizing the damage it caused by protecting her, loving her, doing for her - our beautiful baby girl whom we've never allowed to act 21 years old.

6S

caccy46, author of Stella, is 60 years old, a mother of two, and has been married for 32 years.

Small Pleasures

by caccy46

It's the little moments that move me the most: reading a book outside and feeling the breeze between my toes, smelling the lavender in full bloom, watching my yellow labrador resting on the ottoman, his head propped on the window sill, sleeping soundly - so many tiny joys that fill each day. It's important to note them and value their significance. They are the balance, sometimes the keeper of my sanity, amidst all the world's horrors. To know and think about these small comforts makes it possible for me to read the daily papers without spending the day in mourning. To feel the pleasure of a full stomach, an inviting bed, a warm blanket - these are the comforts for which I am grateful and aware. This is what gets me through each day.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Questions from a Television Screen

by caccy46

How do you know you exist? the voice asked her. "I don't know, really, except you are talking to me..." she began to hear the the voice echo the question again. "Maybe I'm not here at all..." (it was the first time she thought it a possibility). Do people visit you? the voice whispered. "They don't anymore... at least I don't think they do... I'm not sure because I'm stuck inside." I suggest you close your eyes and float away the voice suggested before the screen turned to static.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Staged Innocence

by caccy46

Elizabeth's first heartthrob was Ronny Horner. He lived two and a half blocks up the road, just close enough for Elizabeth to look through her dining room window and watch him begin his walk to high school. Every morning, Elizabeth, still in junior high, timed it properly so she could cross the road and say "hello" as she passed him walking in the opposite direction. She never realized how obvious she was, how red her face would become or that her voice was simply a tiny whisper. Two years later on a hot, sticky summer night, as they lay in each other's arms on her parent's back porch, Ronny told her how cute she was on those mornings long ago. Again, she blushed, thinking, he knew?

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is 60 years old, a mother of two, and has been married for 32 years.

A Useless Worrier

by caccy46

Something's going on inside her head that makes her head pound daily, leaving me terrified of what is wrong; I'm a worrier and unanswered questions leave me breathless. The same old feeling of dread, there for as long as I can remember, makes my stomach cramp, my heart beat faster and a flash of heat floods my body. My mind always works from the most treacherous possibility backwards, never ending in a positive place. I know this leaves me useless to her; annoying her with endless phone calls to see how she's feeling, recommending possibly reasons for her pain or antidotes; I'm a nuisance that only makes things worse. My greatest joys, my worst nightmares - I'll never get this mothering thing down properly. I don't know how to be selfless; what was I thinking?

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Time Flash

by caccy46

She felt like something was terribly wrong. Life was moving too quickly, leaving no time for her to adjust or prepare herself for the next phase. Yesterday her youngest left for college and she was still adjusting to her child's departure. Next week is her daughter's graduation, and she'll be off to graduate school in a moment. She tries to remember when it time began moving so quickly. She realizes it was a short time ago when she was single and free to pursue her dreams, but forgot to try.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

The Outsider

by caccy46

I remember how my body would react the moment I heard his car in the driveway, feeling like all my organs would pull together in one tight, cramped ball, protecting one another from the dreaded onslaught. His heavy steps announced his anger as he crossed the house to see me and the children in the den. When he entered our little sanctuary, it was as though he sucked all the air out of the small space, leaving room only for his presence and negative energy. Unaware that he halted all activity, be it folding laundry, talking, homework, he'd plop heavily in his chair. He was too egocentric to realize that he'd created a new silent tension; his wife and children sat quietly waiting for his questions, his derisions, his complaints. He had no idea what a pleasant and ordinary atmosphere he'd destroyed and that he clearly no longer belonged in this family.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

The Sentinel

by caccy46

Sara sat close enough to her mother to wriggle her little hand under her mother's thigh and let it rest reassuringly - pressing her body against her mother felt safe; it allowed Sara to monitor every breath her mother took, thinking this was the way to guage her Mom's unreadable silence - long, even breaths were good; but Sara would look up anxiously if she felt her mother's body quiver or inhale unevenly when a mourner would pass, hold her hands and whisper words of condolence in her mother's ear. Sara was furious if a person made a tear roll down her Mother's cheek, and she'd stare hatefully at anyone who reminded her Mother of her sadness. Sara appointed herself the one to keep her Mother unharmed. She dutifully watched her mother's still face and dry eyes fixed on a memory that Sara never learned to read. In this way, she cared for her remaining parent for forty years, desperately anticipating a tragedy, a constant barometer of impending doom. When it was time for her Mother to die, Sara gladly relinquished her self-imposed burden to the earth, leaving her only with angry memories of a Mother who never demanded a thing.

6S

caccy46, author of A Child's Words of Wisdom, is 60 years old, a mother of two, and has been married for 32 years.

Disappearing

by caccy46

The slam of the steel door, the sound of the lock engaging was my reminder that I was now on the other side. I turned and put my face closer to the small square window of double glass panes encasing chicken wire and looked into his vacant, lifeless black eyes. Searching for a hint of a reaction, I knew he wasn't really seeing me. I watched him slowly turn towards the endless corridor. His shoulders, fallen forward, as if the weight of them were too much for his 6'2" body to bear. Stooped like this, I watched my 18 year old son, my first born, beautiful child shuffle away, showing barely enough strength to lift one foot in front of the other.

6S

caccy46 is 60 years old, a mother of two, and has been married for 32 years. "Disappearing" is nonfiction.

Are You Looking at Me?

by caccy46

When she looks in the mirror now, she is both horrified and fascinated to see the signs of age that crept up on her when she had no time to think about such things. Her mouth, at rest, is a permanent drooping crescent moon, allowing the world to see her sadness when it has no business peering in such private places. The eyelids she once loved to apply colored shadows to have disappeared, replaced with loose, wrinkled skin that has been burdened with rubbing away too many tears. She feels jilted by the sun, never believing it would punish her so many years later, leaving all sorts of interesting spots and bumps that appeared suddenly. She thinks it's still a nice face; it's just not her face. It's her mother's face.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Oscar Winner

by caccy46

The lovely part of being a visual learner is that my memories are stored randomly in my mind as snapshots. I enjoy the process of letting go, allowing thoughts to float around my head. Eventually a picture will pop up and surprise me. Then the story unfolds behind the scene, and I am lost in memories that consume me. I enjoy watching the best movies I've ever seen. After all, I write, direct and produce them.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Awakening

by caccy46

Her eyes opened slowly as she stretched the stiffness out of her lower back and legs. Such a simple gesture that felt so satisfying. As she slowly swung her legs over, sat up and slid out of bed to head for the shower, the woman never registered it had been many months (or had it been many years?) that her days began in a vastly different way; that the initial moments of consciousness were filled with a dread that began in her chest and slithered through her entire body leaving her laden on the mattress burdened with the weight of a beached whale. The first feelings after awakening felt instinctual and sickening, forcing her to roll herself onto her stomach and bury all she was into her pillow, afraid to face the light lurking outside her darkened room or the unwanted glimpse of the illuminated hour on the clock instilling more guilt because she knew it was not possible yet to force herself up. She would silently plead for sleep to take over again, wiping away time, light and the sinking weight that left her powerless. How was it possible for her not to notice the drastic change as she went through her morning, performing rituals that usually took place in the gloaming, if at all?

6S

caccy46's full 6S catalog is here.

Curiosity Killed the Cat

by caccy46

If you really knew me, you'd understand that I am more than curious; I am thoroughly intrusive and nosy. I have no explanations for why, but the sorts of things I'm interested in probably don't pass through the minds of most people. Here are some of the things I'd like to know - about everyone: how much money do you earn and how much do you have saved. What inheritance will you be getting and how much - don't leave out anything like jewels, art works, homes. May I look through your drawers and closets, including your jewelry boxes? How many times a week do you have sex and is it good; have you or your partner ever been unfaithful to each other and with whom...

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 33 years.

Overexposure

by caccy46

She liked it better when schedules ran her life because she allowed them to determine her mood. The school schedule is now gone, so August has lost it's excitement and September is no longer frenetic. Her work is gone and with it the joy of every weekend and the sadness of Sundays. Her children are grown and so is their neediness; stolen from her are the worries that she used to camouflage her own feelings. It's just the two of them now - she and her husband, with no schedules left, nothing that must be done, nothing but the exposure of who they really are with no lotion to block the rays. They busy themselves with small rituals, crossword puzzles and books; but she feels the burn, and thinks if she can't soon get out of the sun, she will die from heat prostration.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is 60 years old, a mother of two, and has been married for 32 years.

Lesson

by caccy46

Like many women her age, she had experienced her share of beginnings and endings, most of which were memorable, the sorts of things young people look forward to with inexorable excitement and an innocence tinged with anxiety. Unlike many women her age, a tragic event ruthlessly carved a scar before life could resume its course. And, as tragedies often leave in their wake, nothing was ever the same. As another love entered and a new life grew and kicked within her, naïveté was gone along with the prospect of ever again feeling exhilaration. She had been robbed of more than she realized the day the wave that separated them and swept him away. No beginnings, no endings would ever hold much impact.

6S

caccy46's full 6S catalog is here.

Valuable Curse

by caccy46

The young woman was a master at reading people through observation of minutae, tiny crumbs that led her to split second, accurate conclusions. Intuition had nothing whatsoever to do with it; her craft had been honed when early childhood robbed her suddenly, tragically, of one parent, leaving a mother only able to operate in shut-down mode. It became the young woman's means of survival; her protection from anything else valuable being stolen while she was unaware. Her uncanny ability to sum up situations in such thin slices sometimes frightened her because she was always waiting for another axe to fall. She never trusted her acquired strength. Ultimately, it led her to seek out men she knew would eventually sabotage her.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Changes

by caccy46

She used to have a lot to say, making her well liked by many. She was upbeat, interested and always willing to help out. As time passed and life got in her way, she spoke less and less, no longer in tune with happy thoughts. She became self-absorbed and soundlessly watched friendships fall away like a windless autumn when leaves dropped slowly. She realized as time passed that there were fewer and fewer people in her life. She had fooled herself into thinking them an albatross, not wanting to see the emptiness that surrounded her was a dirge of her own creation.

6S

caccy46's full 6S catalog is here.

Once Upon a Time

by caccy46

I used to check the website every day, excited to see my name up, my latest six sentences printed. Next favorite thing to do was click on the comments and drink my compliments like my first cup of morning coffee. Now I forget to check in each day because it's much less often my name appears. Not because I write less, but now there are so many contributors. Being a little fish in a big pond sucks. I used to be a decent size, but everyone around me must be on hormones.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 32 years.

Way Up High

by caccy46

Listening to music often takes to me another place, usually far away. We sat there listening to a jazz twist of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," the young woman belonged in a smoke-filled piano bar with the clink of glasses instead of our local community center; but her voice was lovely and rich as I sat with my eyes closed drifting back, back, back to a time long ago when I listened in a darkened theatre to the girl who sang the mournful tune on her farm. I was very young, very impressionable and very frightened of so many things that happened on that huge screen. I never knew a house could fly in circles and take you to a different land of color - that my mother wasn't honest about witches; they really did exist as I watched one shrivel under the house that landed on her. Horses changed hues, and life would never be the same for me. If I could only click my heels, I wished, as the lights switched on at the end of the song; so many things could be different.

6S

caccy46, whose full catalog is here, is a mother of two who's been married for 33 years.

A Child's Words of Wisdom

by caccy46

My favorite four year old in the world is my neice, Anna, who lives in Beijing. She moved there when she was almost two, along with her parents and two brothers, to return in three or four years (and breaking my heart - Anna and I were attached at the hips). She called me last night, having just awakened at 7:30am Beijing time to tell me in her surprisingly deep, scratchy voice that her teacher went to a country where people live in houses made of leaves that leak water when it rains; where children don't sleep in cozy beds and have floors made of dirt. She explained that her teacher, along with a team of other people, helped build a house for a family, making the analogy of the Three Little Pigs; that now they would have a house built of bricks to keep them warm and dry. "Maybe you and I can do that when I visit you next time." I had to remind myself that Anna is 4 years old, a baby herself. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I hung up the phone with a renewed sense of hope that our world can be a kinder, wiser place some day.

6S

caccy46, author of No, is 60 years old, a mother of two, and has been married for 32 years.