by Bob Jacobs

I want you to know that every woman I've ever met since the first rumble of puberty, I've spent the first five seconds assessing her potential as a sexual partner. This I've always done, automatically. Of course, most women are immediately discounted as being too old, too ugly, too fat, too hairy, too spotty, and so on, and this often takes less than a second, but there are those, and there have been many over the years, who might have had the potential had circumstances permitted. Don't think my criteria have remained constant, because as I've grown older women who once were too old, too ugly, too fat or too hairy (and even too spotty) might now be considered more interesting for a whole basket of reasons, not all of which I'm sure I could justify. I want you to know that I discounted them all in the end, for one reason or another, all except for you, and that although my criteria have changed over the years, you will never be too old, too ugly, too fat, too hairy or too spotty. I honestly have no idea where that lipstick could have come from.


Bob Jacobs, whose full catalog is here, lives in the south-east of England with his wife and kids and Sony Vaio. In his spare time he likes to lie motionless on his back, whistling and staring at clouds.