It’s Conditional, Baby

by Sarah Gokhale

If it takes 300 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, how many beers will it take to poison the center of my unborn fetus? If I have six beers and two shots a day, resulting in a miscarriage within two weeks, will I be ready to take the LSAT in September? November, at latest? If I write only in conditional statements, will it improve my score? If I score a 175, will my dad get kinder, softer, dare I say proud? If my dad is proud of me, do I still have to be a lawyer?

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Sarah Gokhale is a producer from Orange County, California. Her favorite condiment is Trader Joe’s jalapeno sauce. Her dog’s favorite condiment is cream cheese. Her favorite cities are NYC, Albuquerque, and Philly.

Reopen

by Susan Isla Tepper

My life has never been the same. Do the people who endured the other plagues feel this way or am I a complete loser? Everything I knew and loved was shut down and most didn’t reopen, and I didn’t reopen on some level. Perhaps my heart stitched shut. What reopened tastes different. It looks different, too, do I?

6S

Susan Isla Tepper is the author of seven published books of fiction and poetry. Her most recent is a novella titled GIRL UPSIDE DOWN. She also writes stage plays and is currently in pre-production for a play in Ireland.

Glitch

by Brad Rose

For eons, I’ve been trying to get next to you, but since that teleportation accident, only one severed leg has gotten through. I’ve re-installed the facial recognition software and even added an industrial-strength fog machine, but so far, no luck. Out on the astroturf, now, I’m mowing my jelly-green plastic lawn. A tidy domestic appearance, I’m told, is a sure sign of well-groomed mateability. If my best friend was having this problem, know what I’d advise him? Get a sharper blade.

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Brad Rose's latest book is I Wouldn’t Say That, Exactly.