by James Boyt
I was 31 years old the first time I saw a ghost. I remember it well as I was sat on the bog having a shit at the time, and it just popped up, bold as you like, from the plughole in the sink. Looked like something straight out of Scooby Doo it did, a white sheet with two black holes for eyes. It was moaning and groaning and wooooooooing, and then, and I swear it had the voice of Officer Dibble in Top Cat all those years ago, it started saying things like "You are in grave danger" and "Before the sun rises three times..." Lucky for me, though, I'd been cleaning when I got caught short, and the vacuum cleaner was still in the bathroom, so I did what anyone would have done in the same situation: I switched on and sucked that bugger right up. Well, I couldn't wash my hands with all that racket going on, could I?
James Boyt, author of Dreaming of You, is a 31 year old IT worker from the Southeast of England, who firmly believes that, despite lack of ideas and motivation (not to mention talent), that bestselling novel is living inside him somewhere, if he can just find someone to write it for him.