Bitter Chick Channels Henry Chinaski

by Nicole Criona

I'm sick of my collection of commitment-phobic faux husbands who faux-date me. They pay for meals, fix my sink, kill spiders, and teach me how to flea-bomb my apartment. One is gay — and I never dated him — so he gets to stay. For the rest, I'm working my way up to faux-divorcing them. After they each buy me a few more drinks, I think I'll present them with a post-dating faux-nuptial agreement. That will get rid of them.

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Nicole Criona. Los Angeles native (one of the few left). Writer. Co-Owner of LAwritersgroup.com, where writers are placed in grass-roots writers groups. Gripe-Blogger at Verbs via Ones and Zeros. Her favorite character in all literature is the evil science genius Crouton, who wants to take over the world and turn it into cheese, invented by her 5-year old nephew who leads the battle against him. Most importantly, faux-bitch.