20070820

Bitch

by Katie Schwartz

My neighbor is thin — BITCH. When she’s stressed out, she doesn’t eat. She forgets. Who the fuck forgets to eat? I don’t care how much stress you have in your life. There’s something wrong with you when you forget to stuff your face until your belly overflows with well managed, savory, no sweet, no savory, no sweet, no savory FAT-FAT-FAT.

6S

Katie Schwartz, author of Handicapping Dating, is a comedy writer and essayist. She's written for Ostrich Ink, Girlistic Magazine, Farmhouse Magazine, Tastes Like Chicken, and a host of other festive rags. She also has a blog, All the Way from Oy to Vey, filled with her OCD about the zealotinas of the world and rants about nothing in particular.

10 comments:

Quin said...

wow. i can't eat now over the stress caused by this.

Anonymous said...

I've forgotten to eat. I remember a girl getting mad at me for it, too.

tyler said...

Katie rules! Great, funny writing!

Eric Spitznagel said...

Hilarious as always. But I'd expect nothing less from Schwartzie.

I'm going to eat an entire box of LIFE cereal now, just on principle.

Madam Z said...

Sometimes I forget to STOP eating, but I never forget to enjoy Katie's writing.

Sara said...

That's very funny, and true! I loathe people who forget to eat, loathe and envy!

Anonymous said...

I often go days without eating when I am busy.
And I require 5000 Calories a day just to stay alive.
Double bitch, innit Katertot?

jewgirl said...

aww, ya's are such menschy folks. grazie. grazie.

Anonymous said...

BALLS! I i sometimes forget to eat when stressed, that doesn't mean theres something wrong with me!
some people eat-eat-eat- some people don't! FACT!

paulbrazill said...

when you drink from morning till night for two or thres days, you forget to eat. but you also forget to do lots of other things too.