Bitch

by Katie Schwartz

My neighbor is thin — BITCH. When she’s stressed out, she doesn’t eat. She forgets. Who the fuck forgets to eat? I don’t care how much stress you have in your life. There’s something wrong with you when you forget to stuff your face until your belly overflows with well managed, savory, no sweet, no savory, no sweet, no savory FAT-FAT-FAT.

6S

Katie Schwartz, author of Handicapping Dating, is a comedy writer and essayist. She's written for Ostrich Ink, Girlistic Magazine, Farmhouse Magazine, Tastes Like Chicken, and a host of other festive rags. She also has a blog, All the Way from Oy to Vey, filled with her OCD about the zealotinas of the world and rants about nothing in particular.