Hello You

by Simon Stratton

"Hi," she said in the same way a biscuit crumbles. But what did the "Hi" mean - why use "Hi" and not "Hey," "Hello" or "Howdy?" In these modern times there are so many greetings - like the variety of foreign fruit in the supermarket - but why would anyone want so many, almost a different fruit for each day of the week? What's wrong with having a banana in your pocket when you've kissed your family goodbye and headed off to the sewage works... but then "Hi" is not the ripe banana of greetings, no, if I was going to classify it, I would say it was more "green apple" - the Granny Smith. "I'm the reincarnation of your long lost daughter," she said, whipping her hair off her forehead like a postman delivering letters. "That's nice," I said, but then I thought: doesn't "Hi" sound a bit like "He," which could mean she's trying to tell me she wishes to become a man, a He-man?


Simon Stratton, author of Hug Goodbye, lost his MA in Creative Writing in a curry fight.