A Satisfactory Disguise

by Susmita Ramani

The aliens were sure their disguises were perfect: they both looked like blonde coeds with curves that wouldn’t quit. They went to a frat party at a nearby college campus, where they introduced themselves as Jen and Jane, and were plied with drinks that neither of them could consume, as it would make them spontaneously combust, so every drink went into the nearest potted plant. But they learned how to tap a keg, which weirdly came in handy both eons later and eons earlier, when they had engine repair work to do on their spacecrafts. They listened to “small talk,” consisting of how much each frat brother could bench, who was the biggest “weekend warrior,” and whether it was ever acceptable to send a drunk text on purpose (the consensus being "maybe"). Jen was told by five different guys, and Jane by four, that she was “the only girl I’m talking to.” Ultimately, Jen and Jane deemed it a successful party for data collection purposes, though Jen got thrown up on, and Jane had to throw a Sigma Chi brother out a window for putting his hands on her bazookas (which housed actual bazookas, so you see the problem).


Susmita Ramani's work has appeared in The Daily Drunk, Secret Attic, 50 Word Stories, Vine Leaves Press (50 Give or Take), Nymeria Publishing (winner of March 2021 poetry contest), and other publications. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and two children. Follow her publishing escapades on Twitter.