Lotus

by Starlynn Burnett

I want to peel away the toxic layers of other people’s opinions and ideas that feed the compost pit permanently installed in my hard drive which constantly spews out refuse in the form of self depreciation and the feeling that I am anything other than magnificent. To tear apart the fabric of illusory veils that weave in and out of the sludge that so firmly holds the conjectures and contortions in place; conforming and deforming the firmament of the simple experience of being. Negative expectations have been infused like syrup into my self image, damaging little connections where the images get stuck now and morph into twisted oxymoron's of things as they are spit out of wrong synapses simultaneously speeding up the number of negative images I can come up with all by myself in my own mind about me, in a single 1/1000th of a second. I have forgotten how to love unconditionally, not only others, but myself. I have become infected, contaminated by the things I’ve been exposed to that attach themselves to me like parasites, devouring and mixing their juices with mine until we become inseparable, contemptible. I no more want these things that make me seem like I apparently am, defining me from me, keeping me from me, is me, but isn’t and suppressing further the remembrance of being in that naive state of pure love where thoughts about not being good enough, not being beautiful enough, cannot possibly exist.

6S

Starlynn Burnett is a nurse in California.