by Rod Drake
We panicked, thinking Swine Flu would be the planet-cleansing pandemic everyone secretly feared. But it wasn’t, we survived it, and then the Cow Flu came, a devastating and disgusting plague, but again, humanity somehow survived and thumbed its collective nose at Nature’s attempt to reduce the population and restore some balance to the globe. Nature, however, wasn’t through with us, and she likes to win; next came the Horse Flu, the Sheep Flu, the Duck Flu, but it was the last one, the current one, which has legs, albeit hairy ones, and looks like the real deal. The Donkey Flu. Oh, people don’t get flu symptoms from it like all the other types of ever-more-deadly flu viruses; no, this strange malady is a whole different kind of disease, one that appears to be sweeping the world, because I can already see its impact, to say nothing of vanishing people. Once inflected with the Donkey Flu (and there is no cure) one’s ears start growing and becoming furry, then the face elongates and buck teeth protrude, followed by hands and feet slowly devolving into hoofs, and before you know it, you’re transformed into a real donkey, a whole planet full of them, and my only hope is that I can ride this out before – HEEHAW HEEHAW.
Rod Drake is wearing a surgical mask, washing his hands frequently and staying safely isolated in his house.