I Love L.A.

by Rod Drake

Shabby, filthy, blank-eyed, brain-dead zombies are pounding on my front door, looking for a free meal, and that meal is me. I don’t turn on any lights or the radio or television but stand behind the door and say very clearly, ”no one is here, look somewhere else,” so they stop, now believing no one is home and start shuffling off, moaning unhappily. When they are about 20 feet away, I open the door, step out holding twin sawed-off shotguns with pistol grips and holler at them. They turn around, confused and hungry, as I blast all four barrels into them, ripping several of them to bloody shreds, so that the remaining zombies, most now lacking fingers, hands, or ears, begin consuming their fallen comrades, much like a slow-motion shark feeding frenzy, forgetting all about me. I reload the shotguns, lock the door and set out to get some groceries and more ammunition. It’s just another perfect day, I love L.A.

6S

Rod Drake is the Official 6S Author of Halloween and Friday the 13th. Boo!