by Adam J. Whitlatch
Dear Agent,
I have read and carefully evaluated your rejection, and would like to express my condolences for your failure to jump onto the Harry Potter / J.K. Rowling Money Machine and for your lingering bitterness. Based on your rejection I can see I am not the best author for your agency as my work possesses too much merit and integrity. Please forgive this form letter, as my workload prevents me from personalizing every single letter. I wish you the best of luck in your search for recycled, rehashed drivel. Remember, every rejection brings you that much closer to your precious 15%.
Sincerely,
Random Author Whose Name You Couldn't Be Bothered To Learn
6S
Adam J. Whitlatch is currently seeking an agent to represent his science fiction novel E.R.A. - Earth Realm Army. He'd like to dedicate this piece to every writer who has ever poured their heart and soul into a query letter only to be rewarded with the dreaded "Dear Author" letter. Adam lives in southeast Iowa with his wife, Jessica, and their two sons. (His full 6S catalog can be found here.)
20080814
Form Letter to Literary Agents
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23 comments:
Thank you, Adam! This might have to go on my fridge. Or on my desk. Or on my bulletin board. Or in a return envelope to various agencies, one in particular.
This is classic. One of the best sixes ever, because it speaks for everyone and anyone who has ever received the dreaded rejection letter. Bookstores are lined with books that don't sell put there by people who, for the most part, have no clue about literature and guess as their job skill. When literature went from reading to just reading the bottom line, we lost something. Well-written and well-said, Adam!
Very clever, Adam. I hope you will use it, if any agent is foolish enough to reject your work.
In the meantime, do you mind if I borrow it?
Adam Whitlatch is a genius.
Sweet.
Well said!!!
Priceless! You are a smart young devil, Adam. Thanks for the laugh.
caccy46
Caroline Wells
Adam, this is fantastic! Not a one of us could have said it better. I laughed out loud and then I sighed.
Jeanette Cheezum
Love this 6S! Even though I'm not an author, I can sympathize, especially with such descriptions as this. Those agents better snap you up before they lose out!
I love it, it made me laugh out loud. It's sooo true too. I hope some of these dumb asses get real letters like this sometimes. Serves them right.
Love ya babe,
Jess
It's damned fine to have El Maestro back. No one writes it like Mr. Whitlatch.
Adam-
You wrote what each of us has said, thought, or muttered in anger and frustration throughout our careers. Great job and a great, poignant six.
KM
your writing is creative, edgy, smart... so different from what the mass audience drives and what the corporate finances adhere to...sad but true...don't despair-the web is global
HA! Brilliant! Back from vacation and what was waiting for ME in my mailbox? You guessed right... mind if I plagarize your fine response? Peace, Linda
Adam - I loved it! It is the real truth.....keep up the good works.
they are jerks
Very nice. This is a trick, to discover HOW MANY WRITERS are visiting 6S! :-)
Fight the power!
I smell what you're stepping in brother! (I'm also picking up what you're putting down.)
Great Six!
This should also be part of what is taught in creative writing classes. This should be the template.
Fantastic six! This rocks.
fucking awesome
I didn't appreciate this until I started querying agents. Now I get it! Well done, better than most of the form responses I get from agents!
~Doug McIntire
Hahahaha! Funny as hell...Great stuff. LOL. And amazingly enough, My 6S submission is inadvertently similar to yours. Mine was posted before I read yours. I guess wonderfully demented minds think alike. Keep up the good work!
Joseph Lupoli
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