by Matthew O'Shannessy

I know there is a tiny gremlin inside my ear (hello!). It has a wet hessian sack full of pins and needles that it pushes up and down my ear canal. It pisses putrid white liquid until I can't hear a thing. It transforms into electricity and makes the muscles in my neck twitch in pain. Have you ever thought about scooping your eardrums out with the wrong end of a silver spoon? I'm convinced that the deaf have better sex than those of us who can hear music.


Matthew O'Shannessy writes copy for websites about organizational change and epoxy resin flooring, among other things.


Anonymous said...


Jeanette Cheezum

Ted said...

Love this.

Madam Z said...

What? I can't hear you! (But the sex is great...)