This is How I Do It

by Victor Lembrey

First, I leap out of bed and shout “HELLO DAY!” Then I sprint to my full-length bathroom mirror and admire my awesomeness. Then I wash and dress and hit the streets, lookin’ to spread some good cheer. I pack my own lunch (because everyone over-charges) and I’m always nice to kids and old people. I keep things simple – if something’s complicated, I either avoid it, or punch it right in its stupid-ass complicated face. I shower before bed and wear comfy pajamas, and right before I snore, I remind myself that life is short.


Victor Lembrey once filled us in on The Six Laws of Suburban Children.