by Joe Popper
First, hello, thanks for reading (I appreciate it), and let me say – in the hopes of avoiding a barrage of “you suck” comments – that I am not married, am not currently seeing anyone, so (I personally feel that) what I’m about to confess is in no way deceptive or disgusting. Second, full disclosure: I am writing this anonymously for obvious reasons; my name is not Joe Popper, my real name is Forrest Tannenbaum (which is a secret, so don’t tell anyone). Third, my rationale: I believe confession is good for the soul, but I also believe random confessions, especially to the wrong recipients, are just plain weird and annoying, so in confessing this (with “this” being defined as “my obsession with Tricia Helfer”), I wanted to do it in an appropriate place, and since Ms. Helfer is an actress who portrays a cyborg named “Number Six” on Battlestar Galactica, I did a Google search on the number six, and found this very site, Six Sentences, and thought, that’s absolutely perfect! Then, while searching further, I became insanely jealous when I found this picture and this picture. Those goddamn lucky bastards! Yes, okay, I admit it: I masturbated to the pictures anyway, but those two fucking dorks really wrecked the overall vibe.
Joe Popper's fake real name is Forrest Tannenbaum. He is genuinely obsessed with Tricia Helfer.