by William Bergmeier
Darwin is in love with Emily and assumes that his shopping habits will impress her. To prove it he spends the second Tuesday of every month buying 100 hot dog packages for $206.58 with tax. He makes her ring them through one by one, to allow for conversation. This time is used to explain things like feline influenza or mammary tumors in mice. He says that he comes to her because he likes the way she packs things into boxes; so tight that he can wheel them home without getting them wet if it's been raining. She doesn't think much of people who've lived hard lives.
William Bergmeier isn't the kind of guy who cares to talk about himself. If you asked him, he might tell you that he's the host of a popular sportfishing show. But he'd be lying.