Exiled Christian Kid to Spare?

by Katie Schwartz

I wouldn’t mind a secondhand child, provided she was an exiled Zealot Christian. Someone fleeing from homemaking, cooking, cleaning, modest clothing, apron making, submitting to peens and indoctrination into the word. A girl who wanted to learn the art of freedom, feminism, humor, independence, autonomy, Judaism and the beauty of being able to do anything she wanted in life. After all of that if she still wanted to go back to homemaking and Christianity that wouldn’t be ok. I’d be saturated in guilt and cloaked in shame, eclipsed only by the fact that she’d have gained freewill. In the end, I wouldn’t accept her choice, but I would respect it and her enough.


Katie Schwartz, who is not a Bitch, is a comedy writer and essayist. She's written for Ostrich Ink, Girlistic Magazine, Farmhouse Magazine, Tastes Like Chicken, and a host of other festive rags. She also has a blog, All the Way from Oy to Vey, filled with her OCD about the zealotinas of the world and rants about nothing in particular.