Grocery Shopping

by Brian Whitton

I went to the store with a list and a wad of cash. Everything in the store was sold out except for organic gluten-free rice cakes: my girlfriend's favorite snack, so I bought a dozen packages. The cashier wouldn't break a hundred, so I told her I would break her face - the security guard didn't see the humor in it. Hungry, but wealthy, I bought some farmland in Allentown, Pennsylvania that I was told could grow food year-round, because of crop rotation. Within a year, I had so much food - truly a cornucopia - that I could hold a magnificent Thanksgiving feast for me, my girlfriend, both our families, and the surrounding neighborhoods, but my girlfriend had found a new boyfriend 11 months prior; when she couldn't get in touch with me, she moved on. I left Pennsylvania broken-hearted, poor, yet still hungry, so I went home and, finally, ate a sandwich.


Brian Whitton is an amateur, studying to be a hack writer one day (hopefully). He enjoys sarcasm, dramatic stories and grammar; he's kind of a nerd. Brian is very excited to be a part of short-attention-span culture.