20070205

Happy New Me

by Madam Z

I’ve decided to be happy. How hard can it be? Just stop thinking negatively, remember the glass is half full, not half empty, turn-that-frown-upside-down, stop reading the newspaper and watching the evening news, ignore that persistent little pain in my abdomen, eat chocolate whenever I darned well feel like it, don’t look in the mirror ever, not even when brushing my teeth, remind myself that spring is just around the corner, resist the temptation to talk politics with my right-wing-zealot husband, find humor in the frequent situations where I walk into a room and have no idea whatsoever why I am there, understand that my grown children are just busy with their lives, not ignoring me, assure myself daily that I am not a defunct, decrepit piece of crap, watch some old Peewee Herman tapes and buy a new vibrator. Oh, wait... I forgot... I’m old, I’m broke, my husband and I fight over everything, my kids don’t care about me, I look like hell and feel worse, I’m halfway to Alzheimer’s, and Peewee turned out to be a big pervert. And now I went and knocked over my wine glass, so it’s 100% empty. But I am forcing the corners of my mouth to turn up, no matter how hard it is.

6S

Madam Z, author of Flasher Fiction, lives, loves, and writes unpublished stories in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, though her heart is still in her native California, which makes it extremely difficult to do much aerobic exercise.

10 comments:

Peter Wild said...

My younger siblings (still) like to employ the word 'bomb' when they refer to anything they like (so, you know, Killswitch Engage are the BOMB). Reading your story, Mdm Z, makes me wanna say that YOU are the BOMB...

But I'm sure you know that already, right?

madam z said...

Wow, Peter! I did not know that. But if *you* say so, I will try to believe it. Thank you for making my cold, windy day seem all warm and sparkly.

Robert McEvily said...

I hear you, Peter - I can't get enough of the Z Bomb myself!

Harry said...

Hey Z,

Who says everyone's gotta be happy? If it makes you happy go ahead and be pissed.

Madam Z said...

Now Harry, did I say that *everyone's* gotta be happy? No, I didn't, Harry. I said *I* was gonna be happy. You're really pissing me off, Harry, and you better watch out, because you know what happens when I get really angry!

lcyeiser said...

madame z, after having read this piece, all I can say is:::you are my new best friend!::: I even wrote a 6-sentence essay about your essay. I wonder if Mr. McEvily would print it. We're not allowed bullets or poems, but he didn't say anything about links. Hmmm......

madam z said...

Links, schminks! I want to read your essay, and I want to read it now! After all, we're "new best friends."

What do you say, Mr. McEvily?

Robert McEvily said...

I say yes! Send me the essay!

V. said...

I feel like that five days out of seven it seems. Thanks for your earlier comment.

Madame Goodrich said...

I completely dug this. It is a pain in the ass to be happy. ;-)