If Looks Could Kill

by Rod Drake

The Bette Davis robot turned her head mechanically and fired crimson laser beams from her inhuman eyes. The Joan Crawford robot followed Bette’s lead and blasted optical laser beams at me as I scurried to avoid being vaporized. In this ersatz movie set dressing room from the 1940s, I had one chance for survival; tossing a jar of makeup forced the robots to track and shoot it, which gave me the break that I needed. Grabbing the large hand mirror from the dressing table, I pointed it at Bette, angling it slightly so that her laser beams reflected off the mirror and blew Joan’s head to smithereens. Then the Barbara Stanwyck robot entered the dressing room, analyzed the situation in a millionth of a second, tilted her head and laser blasted Bette Davis into a pile of wires, circuits and rubble, some of which shattered my hand mirror. With a quick roll, grab, aim and manual fire, I used Joan’s loose eyeball as a laser gun to punch a hole through Barbara, hoping she was the last of the evil movie queen robots.


Rod Drake is a time traveler, who is currently enjoying 1940s Hollywood. (And today is his birthday! Happy Birthday Rod!)