by Rich Tombeno
One of the stock boys has taken two cabbages from the box he was unloading and shoves them under his green apron to give himself giant, knobby breasts, and now he’s turning around and grinning for his friend, the other stock boy, who titters loudly. The friend squeezes them and then pulls a banana off the cart and holds it between his legs like a big yellow erection to show his approval. The shoppers, except for one old lady still inspecting the zucchini, have all seen this wanton foreplay, and none of them will be buying cabbages or bananas today, their need for coleslaw and cereal toppers be damned. You can see their thoughts as they drift amongst the neat rows and bins, wondering where these carrots have been, and these bunches of cilantro. The produce department begins to thin. Surely canned corn will do tonight, and frozen peas will be just as good in that casserole.
Rich Tombeno insists that the story above is not autobiographical.