Earthquake!

by Joseph Grant

Last week's 12.5 earthquake was unprecedented in its scope and magnitude. The epicenter, located in the Midwest town of Clear Springs, was said to be unrecognizable after the temblor and search teams continued in their frustrated efforts to locate survivors as well as the town itself, which was believed to have been swallowed by the earth, according to a FEMA spokesman who requested to remain anonymous. Seismologists articulated that the quake was a distinct, once-in-an-eon form of tremor, an echo of the very same that shifted the continents after the planet cooled. The shake was so severe, in fact, that not only did tsunami warnings reverberate around the world's coastal areas and in some cases knock power grids off-line for days; but scientists initially stated that the earth's axis was slowed considerably and compromised the length of a day on our world before hastily retracting their statement in a press release to reiterate that the subsequent strong aftershocks had most likely corrected the planetary orbit. Despite emergency crews and first-responders determinedly excavating to find survivors of last week's tragedy, a professor at London's Royal Observatory in Greenwich, the institute known for keeping the world's time, backed by some of England's leading physicists and mathematicians, sparked controversy yesterday when he declared that it was his contention the town was not buried beneath the surface but had met a rather sinister fate and that any further digging was futile. "We believe that the town of Clear Springs, by utilizing Newtonian law and Einsteinian physics, was propelled back in time- but to which era-we are uncertain."

6S

Joseph Grant is one of 6S's favorite sons, and the hits just keep on coming.