by David Brown
Clowns on stilts drove the two once close sports of stilt racing and crutch racing into a violent schism. Feeling strong on their towering lifts (easily ten feet taller than the typical stilt) and always so proud behind their powder make-up, these tyrants of le maquillage noir trounced the entire Broad Ripple crutch team with an absolute impunity, laughing all the while and squeezing their ridiculous horns and colorful noses to cause a panic and then maliciously reeling canes which only moments earlier were brightly colored hankies. Following their unprovoked assault, the clowns on stilts were punished but only dubiously as the stilt racing community expressed its disapproval of the clowns but would not turn over even the macabre of their own kind to the summary judgment of the crutch racers, however justified. The executive body of the stilt racing salted the clowns' fields, exacting heavy financial penalties and imposing race sanctions, and some of the more heinously guilty were made to repaint their faces as frowning. Expense, inconvenience, and a change in face paint were not enough for the crutch racers. They thought the redress light and took greatest offense to the sad clowns whom would still laugh and tie balloon figures of children having a hard time walking or being rejected by their peers for their physical difficulties.
David Brown kisses his own hands and mouth for a living. Almost all of his free time is spent walking and giving himself jumping high-fives.