Greg's for the Bath

by Mark Rosenblum

We've journeyed to almost every mega do-it-yourself center in a 30 mile radius looking for what my wife calls just the right kitchen and bath fixtures for our remodel. On the way to the last remaining store we've yet to wander into - Builder's World - my wife suddenly spots a small Mom & Pop plumbing store on a side street, however, once inside, I see neither a Mom nor a Pop, only Greg - the young owner who has few actual fixtures to look over, but what he does have on display, he assures us (as do his prices) is high-end merchandise. There's a small display of kitchen faucets that turn on and off without being touched; Greg explains they work with a contemporary, more hygienic sensor that we can't afford - yet (he promises) they'll pay us back a hundred times over in healthy years sans E.coli. There are two air-jetted tubs in the middle of the shop that have blue-green lights encircling their rims - Greg mutters something about Chroma Therapy - explaining to my wife that the tub will sooth and relax not only her body, but her mind. He then moves to the shower section and stands too close to her as he talks about the merits of multiple body spray heads. As I peruse gleaming white toilets with heated seats - and some that squirt water up your ass - I am confident we will never make it to Builder's World.


Mark Rosenblum - a New York native who now lives in Southern California - misses the taste of real pizza and good deli food. His work has been featured in Mindprints, Tiferet, Thirteen Magazine, Insolent Rudder, AlienSkin Magazine, Boston Literary Magazine, Everyday Fiction, and Six Sentences, Volume 2.