Every Rose's Thorn

by Joe O’Sullivan

As the lead singer for the Poison cover band Every Rose’s Thorn, Frankie stayed in good shape, kept his thick blonde hair teased out, and got plenty of chicks. He had a sweet collection of band tee shirts, 20 year’s worth, and he loved showing them off to the ladies. He just had to get a girl in the door and those black shirts tacked up on the wall in the front hallway would keep her busy until he could pour the first Jaeger bomb, and then he was as good as laid. That one night, after playing the closing night of the St. Henry parish carnival, when he brought that one girl home, the one with the Loop tee shirt and the roach clips with the feathers attached as a hair accessory? She thought his collection totally fucking ruled, and she was hot. That’s why he was so bummed when he woke up and found out Loop girl had not only taken his last $27 and his favorite Warrant tour shirt, but she’d also taken a horrendous dump in his toilet and not even flushed.

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Joe O’Sullivan is a police sergeant in a suburb of Chicago. He is fascinated by clowns and alligators, and wishes he had a cool nickname like "Turbo Dog." Until recently his writing could only be obtained by subpoena, or a faxed request on department letterhead. His retirement plan is modeled on his blog, Sprawling Ramshackle Compound.