by Jaemin Yoo
She stares blankly at herself in the mirror; she tells herself she's in control, but she knows it's a lie, she was never in charge. She can feel the tears burning, but she holds them back; now isn’t the time. She puts on her makeup, there's too much, but she's past caring, it covers up that ugly face staring back at her. She gets up, she thinks to herself: I'm so fat, I think I’ll go home and vomit then maybe I’ll be pretty, I am a bitch, a fake... She sucks it in and walks through the curtain; it's so loud, so damn loud, if only they'd turn down that music... She takes a breath, camera flashes all around, she walks down the catwalk, in a dress suffocating her, she wanted her fat to hang out, to be able to eat again; she smiles and strikes a pose, she thinks to herself: breathe, pose, lie, smile...
Jaemin Yoo is thinking about philosophy: where'd it go and when did it leave?