Things I’d Never Say to My Mother

by Adam McGavin

I’m okay with being the bad guy. I’ve figured out how I want to live the rest of my life and those plans do not include a wife, nor do they include having children. Having kids seems like an act – not the ultimate one, but an act indeed — in exercising just how vicarious and narcissistic a grown person can be. Don’t yell at me, it just seems that spawning one or more little beings that look half like you, and take any life path you choose to allow them to take seems a little too God-like; people shouldn’t be allowed to give life. If people spent more time taking care of themselves and less time following the path they’re allegedly supposed to follow, this world actually might be a better place. I’m not trying to get you to change your life, but personally speaking, I’d rather spend time wrapping myself up with hobbies and enjoying friends, rather than fusing myself to a person that’s bound to deceive me with at least her mind, and possibly worse (plus, I could never talk anyone into marrying me anyway).


Adam McGavin is a 19-year-old aspiring writer from suburban Ohio. His prized possessions include a typewriter, stolen bowling shoes and a collection of cardigans. He attends Kent State.