Lock Up

by Joseph Lupoli

Vicious Victor and Micheal the Mauler never harass me because (A) I beat them both in arm-wrestling even though I'm a skinny stick-boy, and because (B) I'm the one who taught them how to make the perfect spitball; very round and with the correct weight-to-size ratio. I even showed them how to assemble and utilize two spliced and taped McDonald straws as the barrel to gain maximum distance, velocity, and accuracy. Prior to that, they used hollowed pens as their weapons. And their pens often jammed because the barrel was too narrow and the spitballs were not round enough. Spitball and projectile manufacturing combined with test firing and adjustments are really a fine art and it should replace say, metal shop in the school curriculum. Indeed, 7th grade detention has really proven its worth with flying colors.


Joseph Lupoli was born in Indiana at 9:02 AM on the 8th of August, 1957.