by Timothy Kozar
You know what the best excuse for ditching work is? Diarrhea. If there's one thing your boss doesn't want to do, it's picture you shitting liquid. You probably won't get much of a response, though it's possible that he/she will scold you for even bringing up the fact that you defecate. If you detect even a moment of hesitation as far as your employer believing you, just throw in a colorful word - such as "gallons" or "spraying" - and you'll be fine. I guess the managers of the world must just think that no one would have the indecency to lie about something like this, but they're wrong.
Timothy Kozar is from Kalamazoo, MI. He's 26.