20080626

Can I Take Your Order?

by Tia Napolitano

No, Ma'am, it's not at all an odd request that I cut your obese eight year old son's $25 steak up into bite-sized pieces before serving it to him. Sure, Sir, I'll take a picture of you pretending to take a bite of your underage girlfriend's crotch with a fork and knife, and by the way, that's very creative and funny. Nope, I don't mind at all that you place your hands on my waist and push me to the side, ever so subtly grazing your hand over my ass as you pass by. Of course, folks, you can take a picture of me to show all your friends back in Texas "the tiniest waitress you've ever seen." Yes, I do this to pay my bills. No, this wasn't quite what I was planning on doing with my degree.

6S

Tia Napolitano wishes she could burn her apron in protest. She's currently open to suggestions - any suggestions at all - as to what else she could do to supplement her income.

13 comments:

sanandarabunny said...

the fork and knife bit i would have paid top dollar to see in person...

mgirl said...

Now I know why I couldn't be a waitress. Hats off to you all for being able to do this, and to you for writing an awesome 6 sentences!

Anonymous said...

LOVE this.

Joe said...

Just a wonderfully written six by someone who has a great writing style. This 6 is "well done".

Laura jane said...

I tend bar and I have a BA from Cal. I feel your pain.

Madam Z said...

You're a real "cut-up," Tia! I'm glad you're able to keep your sense of humor. I'd be tempted to use the "fork and knife" on some of the customers.

Down the Angel said...

Tia
re suggestions - send a story to abctales and you might win their growing up themed comp? deadline today, find it here
http://www.abctales.com/node/567599
mine is down the end but I think that's on date...
http://www.abctales.com/story/ashb/wild-country
Ashb

austere said...

superb.

elissa said...

i feel your pain. i always hated the churchies who would bring their entire clan after Sunday service and then tip a measly 2 bucks. great six...more! more! become the voice of the underpaid, under-appreciated working class.

Catherine said...

Love this and I have been there! Cat

Quin Browne said...

elissa hit the one peeve i had..even worse was the wife (sorry ladies, it was never the husband!) who would pick up part of my tip, and put it away in her pocket.


thanks for reminding me of those days, in well written and dry form.

Kate Kaminski said...

Funny....and sad too. Nice one!

Gare said...

Tia-
Ahhh - the life of a waiter. It seems so long ago. And I was so not good at it ago. I did not know you were also a writer. Perhaps we can share thoughts a bit sometime.

Gare