by Miles Klee
"You are aware that we ourselves cannot perform the surgery required to reattach your hand. Were you aware?" Naw. Girl comes at you with that infomercial knife screaming I told you not to leave your wet towel on the bed, what goes through your head is: hell, I'll be fixed in no time. Doctor has the gall to pretend his nose-pick is a nose-scratch as he inquires would I like to see the appendage. Well come on if you're gonna 'cause baby I'm gettin' on the news tonight.
Miles Klee, a McSweeney's contributor, wouldn't mind having an agent. He blogs here.