To Die Not Laughing

by Chris Wasil

“What’s the deal with all the TV networks calling everything ‘Breaking News’ these days?” he asked. I tried desperately to force a laugh, secretly concluding that this was the lamest stand-up routine I’d ever heard. “Have you seen this – you put on CNN or MSNBC, and it’s always ‘Breaking News.’ What makes something ‘Breaking News,’ anyways – is it just ‘new’ news? Hey, I always figured that all news was new, otherwise they’d call it history!” Moments later, as I lay – a bloody, beaten mess propped against a bare wall in this lunatic’s basement – he put down the sledgehammer he’d been using as a microphone, bowed to his imaginary audience, and asked me with an odd sincerity, “So, what’d you think?” and I did my best to make laughing sounds through the gag in my mouth... and over the roar of his chainsaw starting up.


Chris Wasil, currently in his second semester of law school, is a die-hard Mets fan. He's the author of Describe the Color Red.