20080315

Avalanche

by Joseph Grant

It had been a beauty of a jump; Steve said to himself, it was a hell of a jump down one of the highest slopes in Deer Valley, it was also a hell of a thing to end up this way, walled up inside a deathtrap of snow, not knowing which end was up. To answer this question, Steve remembered a simple test an old German guide once taught him, spit and let gravity do the job, if it landed on your chin, you were right side up and all you had to do was try and stand but if it landed on your nose or forehead, you were fucked. Just his luck, Steve’s mouth was extremely parched, so he started to think of the biggest, juiciest, most tender steak and baked potato with a pat of melting butter on top, but all that did was to get him hungry, so he thought of the biggest, coldest mug of Carlsberg, but all that did was make him thirstier and colder, so he conjured up the sourest lemon he had ever had and after a few moments, voila, success, but the only downside was that his downside was his upside. As he struggled to make sense of it all in this embryonic death position, he thought whaddya know, the old Kraut was right; he was fucked. Inconceivably, he ended up ass-first in a snow pile from the collapse of the north ridge, due to his hubris he thought, as there had been warnings back at the hotel and it was true what they said, you never hear it behind you, but in front of you. His mind raced to his family, as he struggled against a sweaty panic attack and the anxiety to breathe and maintain his composure in this solid, sub-zero imprisonment, but luckily; he was not under more than a few inches of snow he learned, as he aggressively kicked as if his life depended on it, which it had, but forgetting all he knew about avalanches, he did not foresee the greater snowslide his actions were causing as it gained momentum down the mountain burying him once and for all.

6S

Joseph Grant, whose full catalog is here, is the first featured author in our "Six Sixes" series.

12 comments:

Adam J. Whitlatch said...

Chilling... literally. Makes me glad spring is here. Although I DID wake up this morning to see a fresh blanket of snow and the dandruff of God still steadily falling... to which I uttered a resounding "FUCK!" that roused my wife.

Thanks, Joe... I think I'll stay inside today with my tea. LoL

Well done, sir.

Libby said...

I loved it!

Unfortunately I'm not as wordy and eloquent as Adam.

I'll leave it at fucking awesome.

:D

Anonymous said...

Adam is always eloquent and always comments before I get to - let's just say another brilliant 6S by a master and i"m glad mine doesn't follow this one.
caccy46

Leatherdykeuk said...

A brilliant take on the logic that the unfortunate prisoner subjects himself to before he discovers his position. I feel sorry for him, though I feel it a case of Darwinian selection in action.

Beautiful 6, Joe.

Kevin Michaels said...

Great job as always - descriptive passages that are vivid and powerful. You feel everything - the sense of futility, the fear and panic, the claustrophobia.... and a nice kick at the end. Another strong six!

Baby Island said...

I'm done with skiing after that 6S!

Loved it!

Adam J. Whitlatch said...

You too, huh!?

I DID ask Joe to teach me to ski a while back, but I'm having second thoughts now. LoL

Colombian Lady said...

Joe, the story was fantastic. As always, your writing is so vivid that I could feel the anxiety of the guy buried in the snow.

Anonymous said...

Joeykins,

As usual you've outdone yourself. Another great one.

Ev

Madam Z said...

Yeah, I think I'll just stay in the lodge and eat steak and drink beer.

Anonymous said...

Joe - Another brilliant 6S. I gave you full credit, but it was my good night story to my husband last night.
He thought it was great, too.
caccy46

Joe said...

caccy-Thank you very much and thank your hubby too. Everyone else, thank you all for your nice comments.