First Born

by Wanda Mae Shoap

He's been gone since 1989, he had turned seventeen in May, and died that August. My son, my first born of three, I never thought I'd have to live longer than he. I learned to cope through all the years, as I watched his siblings grow and leave home. I see his ways; his funny gestures, his smile and his extraordinary bond within them every day they visit, as I encase my tears in hidden turmoil. I dream of what he might have been; what he might have achieved, of the children he could of had and the scar placed upon my weeping heart. I have to trust that he's standing beside the Father - that loaned him to me, and that with His grace, his face again I will see.


Wanda Mae Shoap, author of Just Another Day, was born in 1949 in Harrisburg, PA. She is a self-taught artist - she loves to paint landscapes, animals, homes, old mills, the ocean, fruit, and more. She has a website, and worked for over seven years at the local cemetery as a secretary.


Joe said...

Achingly beautiful in its composition and although sad, a touching ending on it. Well-done!

Madam Z said...

I have a lump in my throat. This is so poignant. I can think of no worse pain than losing one's child.

Louise said...

My best friend lost her son five years ago in a car accident, 21 years old. I can't imagine what the two of you go through on a daily basis. This piece is quite powerful. Thank you very much for sharing it with us.

Anonymous said...

I thank you all for reading and leaving me your thoughts. I've missed him every day but I learned to let God help me through each one. The loss of any loved one is sad but the courage to move on and keep them close to our hearts helps ease the pain while we embrace the LORD that sent them to us.

Wanda Mae

Alone on the Isle said...

My brother passed when he was tweleve. I always new it was hard on my parents, as it was with all of us, but until now, I don't think I truly understood. Thank you for this.

Anonymous said...

This is a wonderful piece Wanda Mae. You have managed to share the pain of losing a child, and at the same time left us with the beautiful hope of one day seeing him in heaven. You said so much in a few well written sentences.
Well Done,