My Main Problem with Britney Spears

by Andrew Mason

I think Britney Spears is an embarrassment. She's thoughtless and crude. She's a poor mother. She's intellectually unappealing. She represents all that's wrong with American culture. Yet, despite this overwhelming list of negativity, my main problem with Britney Spears is this: I'd still pay top dollar to have her sit on my face.

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Andrew Mason lives in Buffalo, New York. His writing has appeared in Pindeldyboz and Word Riot.