by Christen Buckler
Here's what I got: the special today is the twelve ounce sirloin, which we all know Danny O'Connell can't live without (not that you could tell; the man never puts on a damn pound, excuse my French). The soup of the day is that vegetarian minestrone recipe that Tina Daly's ma gave us - you know Tina's pregnant with her fourth damn kid, the woman can't seem to keep her legs together, if you know what I mean. We got some of those crab claws in last night, the ones that Dougie Chicola swears give him that psychic ability crap he's always going on and on about - I say it's just all that fucking butter he eats (bound to be bad for your brain, all those goddamn calories clogging up your neurons or something). Oh, we took Marie Donaldson's advice and added that chicken casserole we sometimes make to the regular menu, so we're serving that every day now - poor Maurice in the kitchen has burned off all his damn fingerprints because he's peeling hot chicken off the bone all the time (you know Maurice's wife left him, I'm sure you already know, but the chief of police found him sleeping in his damn Chevy, wearing nothing but some blue plaid boxer shorts and a smile). The dessert that's freshest is probably that chocolate cake on the counter - not that I eat a whole lot of chocolate, but I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that it's the best goddamn chocolate cake in the whole state (not that you asked, but it's my granny's recipe and I don't know nobody who's not a little sensitive about their granny). You can't just have a goddamn salad for dinner - you're gonna get as skinny as Danny O'Connell (I swear, that man never puts on a goddamn pound, if you'll please pardon my French).
Christen Buckler is a junior at Florida State University. If she can't make a million dollars with her writing by the time she graduates, she is going to become a high school English teacher. She hopes to teach the youth of America how to fight The Man and how to find themes of light and dark in The Scarlet Letter.