Gathering Data

by Abigail Levin Tatake

If you really want to know a person's character, just open your nostrils and take them in. Start with the top of their head, work in a clockwise O; inhale the scalp, deep into the follicles, Brillo Cream bedhead. Whiff long, whiff strong: wonders will be revealed! Slink and sniff over the forehead (hands behind back), eye sockets, lashes, cheekbones, nose to nose, ear canal; move over the lips, the tongue, into the throat (with care), around the sweaty neck, over the lymph nodes, collarbone, chest (right to left); musky dusky pit glands, shoulder blades, back, spinal column, down down DOWN; whirl around, over the ribcage, swirl the stomach, inspire the belly button, in in IN, birthing center/derriere (no need to linger here: get your data and zoom ahead). Down the leg -- breath -- ing! -- and circulate the knees, to end at the base, the fusty foot, the mighty proletariat of the body. Now stand, exhale, and announce whether or not you would like to take the job.


Abigail Levin Tatake is a Seattle Teacher/Writer/Merrymaker who has turned down too many jobs to count.


Leatherdykeuk said...

Beautifully maneuvered!

mgirl said...


Anonymous said...

Bark, bark! I agree with this method; it's worked for me all my life. - Rover