by Jessica Hulett
Liza Jacobs didn't mean to bludgeon her husband Henry with a golf club; rather, her intention was to simply make him stop asking her what to do about the hole in the bucket. Like every other task assigned to him in their 30-plus-years marriage -- not officially assigned, of course, it was just understood -- Henry Jacobs required so much direction that in the end, it felt as if Liza had completed the task herself. She suggested fixing the hole with straw as a joke, for God's sake; she hadn't thought he'd actually try it. After he did just that and failed, the conversation just wouldn't end; the axe was too dull, the stone was too dry... you get the idea. When she hit him in the mouth with the golf club, she just wanted the questions to end, to have a moment when she wasn't required to provide her Dear Henry with information he could have easily found on Google. Hours later, she realized that the plastic cork from her bottle of Yellowtail Shiraz was a perfect fit.
Jessica Hulett wants to be a rock star when she grows up.