Cucumber Envy

by Rod Drake

Shopping in the produce section of the local’s Ralph’s one autumn day, I ran into the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen or could possibly imagine. Luxurious long hair cascaded down, crystal blue eyes transfixed you, a dazzling, warm smile could light the darkest mood, a breath-taking face that a Renaissance artist had created out of fantasy and a body that knew just where to be round, flat, curvy, sensual and earthy. She had only one flaw, something you didn’t notice away, her immaculate beauty being so overpowering - her left hand was vegetable. Her fingers were string beans, her thumb a short carrot and her palm a firm leaf of lettuce. But then no one is perfect; everyone has at least one flaw. And that includes me - my penis is a radish (God, how I wish it were a cucumber now).


Rod Drake, whose full catalog is here, is waiting for that radioactive accident that will give him superpowers. Check out his longer stories in Flashes of Speculation, Fictional Musings, Flash Flooding, Flash Forward, MicroHorror, and AcmeShorts.


Leatherdykeuk said...

How bizarre!

Alejandra said...

Haha...I loved this!

margery said...

Well. I laughed out loud.

Shaindel said...

Wonderful surprise!

Hemingway said...

Poor bastard. Should write about more manly things.