The Black Francis Flirtation Device

by Peter Wild

"Hey!" she barks. That usually gets their attention, whoever it is she has her eye on. She barks out "Hey!" and whoever it is stops in their tracks and the two of them look at each other for a moment (because there has to be a moment) and then she sort of sashays and she sings, "Been trying to meet you" - just like Black Francis sings at the start of that Pixies' song called Hey. The guy, whoever it is, always smiles, even if they don't know the song (although if they do know the song, if they smile a goofy smile and sing back must be a devil between us in time for the two of them to sing or whores in my head whores at my door whores in my bed together - that was a whole other kettle of fish, yessir). The Black Francis Flirtation Device had served her well for the better part of seven years. She was also fond of the Black Francis Dumping Device which involved her singing I got a broken face I got a I got a broken face uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh I got a broken face over and over and over again until the guy in question took the hint and fucked the hell off away from her.

6S

Peter Wild, author of No News is Good News, is the editor of The Flash & Perverted by Language: Fiction inspired by The Fall. You can read more here.