Snowy's Smackdown

by Rod Drake

Snow White was prepared when the queen, now transformed into an unattractive, mean elderly woman (politically correct substitute for witch), showed up to offer her a poisoned appletini. Snowy knew the drink was poisoned because she had read ahead in the fairy tale and saw what was going to happen unless she revised the story. So Snowy took the opportunity during gossip about Sleeping Beauty’s rumored sleeping around to switch the drinks, watching with relish as the elderly woman downed the cocktail in a gulp, her drinking problem as the queen still evident despite her change in appearance. Once the woman was out cold, Snowy had the seven little people (politically correct substitute for dwarfs), who had been living in the woods without work since the Grimm Brothers Circus and Exhibit of Differently Abled People (politically correct substitute for freak show) had folded, haul the comatose body into the Afro-American (politically correct substitute for Black) Forest to a partially eaten gingerbread house. Swapping the queen for the misunderstood child molester (politically correct substitute for child-eating witch) in that fairy tale, Snowy left the queen’s fate in the sticky hands of the two hopped-up-on-sugar little brats, Hank and Gertie (substituted names for Hansel and Gretel due to their underage protected status), who would later push her into the fiery oven. The misunderstood child molester owed Snowy a big favor, which she collected in the form of a boob job, naturally blond hair and a fat recording contract with Flaming Dragon Records (a subsidiary of Disney), allowing Snowy to live happily ever after.

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Rod Drake, author of On the Bus, had a dream that he was Hemingway, until Hemingway made an appearance and said “No, you're not.” Check out Rod's longer stories in Flashes of Speculation, Fictional Musings, Flash Flooding, Flash Forward and MicroHorror.