My Reflection is Killing Me

by Bob Jacobs

I'm shaving when my reflection leans out, grabs me by the ears and pulls me through the mirror. I crumple on the floor in shock. He kicks me repeatedly in the guts, screaming, but the words don't make any sense and it's all I can do to throw my arms in the way of his blows. Kicking over, he leans down and punches me in the face over and over until my head hurts, my arms hurt, and my insides feel like they've been through a blender. He pauses, panting, and I think it's going to be okay, but then he puts his hands around my neck and starts choking the life out of me and I think, "My God, this is it, my reflection is killing me." As suddenly as it started it stops and as he heaves me back through the mirror, leaving me wondering what the hell that was all about, he shouts, "!dratsab taf uoy thgiew esol - hguone dah ev'I"


Bob Jacobs, author of How Women Make Fools Out of Men, lives in the south-east of England with his wife and kids and Sony Vaio.