Trunks

by Chris Conroy

There are people driving around right now — God knows how many — with a body, or bodies, in their trunk. Odds are most of these bodies are probably dead bodies and if they’re not dead bodies, then they’re probably kidnapped bodies which, most likely, will soon be dead bodies. But there’s also a percentage — there has to be — of strong healthy bodies that willingly put themselves into a dark trunk for a gag on a buddy, who, when told to open the trunk by the in-on-it-buddy who drove the car to the field where they planned to drive golf balls deep into the woods, would be shocked when he pops the trunk and the buddy who he thought was sick or out of town and couldn’t make it lunges up and out at him. If we can somehow, as a nation, find a way to reduce the number of dead and or kidnapped bodies in trunks and increase the number of strong healthy bodies in trunks, then we would — how could you argue? — be moving, as a nation, in the right direction. Murder and kidnapping rates would plummet. However, the heart attack rate may rise.

6S

Chris Conroy, author of Busy Doing Nothing, wrote Trunks after breakfast and before lunch.