Next Time, We're Urinating Outside

by Maxine Riskant

When the backroom toilet breaks for the third time in the same month, the employees from the check cashing store are forced to use the Gas-n-Guzzle's bathroom because the Quick Ca$h store manager is off-site, doesn't answer her cell phone, and the plumber claims to be booked until a week from Wednesday. The money-handling innocents are truly horrified to see that the convenience store mop is coated in dust and something that resembles tar and is stuck to the bottom of an old, yellow bucket. Sally made a Starbucks run though, which means they all have to pee NOW, so they ignore the mop and enter the bathroom one by one. The toilet seat is cracked, the tank lid is missing, the unmistakable smell of sewer gas assaults the nostrils when the restroom door is opened, and the sagging floor is covered in something that might have once been linoleum. Although decidedly inconvenient, the mildewed flooring spurs several successful-but-undocumented Olympic-level, gymnastic-style moves as the employees leap from toilet to sink without crashing through the floor into the basement of the Guzzle. On their way back to the Quick Ca$h, Sally and her coworkers unanimously decide to swear off any and all liquids until Hump Day.

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Maxine Riskant, author of The Plight of the Underage, is a pseudonym for Maxine Dangerous which is a pseudonym for a writer in an unnamed U.S. city who doesn’t make a living off her writing. Yet. Visit her blog, here's your gravy.