20061205

The Invitation

by Kimi Goodrich

Now I am all turned up inside because I wasn't expecting to see you so soon, not that it is soon, it's actually been quite a long time, I just didn't expect it at all. Your apology fell on deaf ears, if you were sorry you would have said so sooner, not because the evidence of your wrongdoing was standing in front of your face reminding you of your actions, making you save face by asking me out because you feel guilty and are trying to make it up to me. The last thing I want to do is sit across from you digging around in my mental filing cabinet for the one labeled "small talk," but only coming up with the vault titled "what I really want to say, but don't." Since I don't trust your eyes or what they might discern, I would probably avoid them, taking pains to notice everything else in the room besides you, elevating the levels of uncomfortable awkwardness between you and I to an all time high. However, if I ignore your invite, it will seem like I am doing a "tit for tat," trying to get back at you for ignoring me, but if I tell you to your face I don't want to go, that builds an even deeper reserve behind the dam that already threatens to overspill. Damn you and your topsy-turvy existence in my life; I guess I will accept your invitation if it arrives, and hope that these waters remain intact, but I won't hold my breath.

6S

Kimi Goodrich, author of Stupid Thumb, never tires of obsessing. In fact, if analyzing things until they are dead and beaten were a contest, she surely would own that title. (But seriously, she is not a stalker.)